I have been struggling with worry, especially over the past week. God has remained faithful in reminding me that I do not need to worry. And that worry is actually a sign of not trusting God and not having faith that He is taking care of it. My fiance reminds me daily not to worry. And this week two of my friends called me out on my worrying. And despite being surrounding by reminders, worry has taken residence in my heart.
And to be completely honest and brutally transparent, my struggle with worry, to a greater extent, is an indication I am not trusting God (no need to sugar coat it...God knows my struggle!) In 8 weeks I am moving to North Carolina and I have yet to secure a job. I am probably on my 15th job application and I have been rejected 14 times (the 15th time remains unknown only because I just applied this morning!) I am being recruited by huge hospitals all over the country...California, Texas, Virginia, and even in North Carolina but no where near the city I am moving to in January. I have a doctor of nursing practice degree and over 10 years of nursing experience and yet I can't find a job in a rural community hospital. I am fairly confident God is also using this experience to humble me and I am willing accepting this lesson. However, I feel like I am failing at the lesson of trusting Him and not worrying.
As I was driving yesterday, I caught sight of a bird flying through the sky and was reminded of this scripture:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
What is incredibly frustrating is even in the midst of my worry, I can't understand why I am worried. God has always taken care of me. I have persevered through so many struggles over the last five years and at the end of the day God has always taken care of me. And He still provides for me today - I am surrounded by family and friends helping me out right now. However, it isn't according to MY plan. I like to be in control of the plan or rather I like to think I am in control of the plan. In reality, we are never in control of the plan. I need to remember God is the ultimate planner and He has plans for me. And His plans are bigger and better than any plan I will ever develop. My role is to worship and graciously submit to His incredible plan.
Worship, worship, and more worship,
Just a few reflections about everything God is teaching me in this life...a journey deeper into His purpose for my life.