It's been an incredibly emotional week in the wake of losing a friend to a drunk driving accident. Yesterday I was a crying mess. I cried as I tried to work. I cried in the car. I cried at Walmart and Petco. Tears even ran down my eyes as I tried to fall asleep last night. The emotion of the week definitely got the best of me. Tears of sorrow and tears of anger.
Last night another friend from childhood summed it up best with a Facebook post reading "With one bad decision from a stranger, her future was taken from us in a heartbeat. I've been sad and hurt but more than anything I've been angry. Angry at a stranger." This describes the roller coaster of my emotions this week; emotions that have landed on anger. I'm angry at this stranger who stole her life and I'm angry at myself for the times in my past I was behind the wheel of a car and shouldn't have been. And I'm broken hearted because Caroline had so much living left to do.
However, my friend continued his Facebook post by reminding us we need to try and forget the drunk driver so we can elevate the memory of Caroline. The lives she touched (she was a teacher) and the fact she always marched to the beat of her own drum. And he is 100% right (Thanks Tom!). I've let myself focus on the evil in the situation and if I focus too long on this stranger, I'm going to lose the memory of Caroline. I'm going to miss the lessons she taught us. If I let anger dwell in my heart too long, the stranger wins. Evil wins. And evil never actually wins in the end.
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently from him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. A little while, and the wicked will be no more, though you look for them, they will not be found. But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity.
Sometimes I have to remind myself evil doesn't win in the end. I mean, I know that and I read that in the bible but I don't always live that out in a confident spirit. We are surrounded by evil people and evil things and it's so easy to get lost in your present circumstances, whatever they may be, and lose sight of the hope we have in Jesus. It's easy to focus on the evil but when we do not make a conscious effort to shift focus, we run the risk of anger and bitterness taking up residence in our hearts.
And Caroline would never have allowed anger and bitterness to permanently reside in her heart. She always moved on. She always moved forward no matter the setbacks. So I'm following her lead.
Tears, memories and hope,
Just a few reflections about everything God is teaching me in this life...a journey deeper into His purpose for my life.