Pink Fingernails.

Two years ago I sat in a poorly lit ICU room and painted my grandmother's fingernails while she lay in a coma.  I remember making the simple request to her nurse that day, explaining I really never remembered my grandma without painted nails and I couldn't watch her die with pale, plain nails.  Although it seemed petty, she just wouldn't want it that way.  Interestingly enough, turns out you can't actually find nail polish in a hospital. 

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So I asked my grandfather to bring nail polish from her condo to the hospital. He insisted she would want red nails but I never once remembered my grandmother's nails being painted red.  She wore pink and beige mostly.  However, he was adamant she would want red and I just agreed with him.  However, he returned to the hospital with pink polish because he just couldn't locate her red nail polish anywhere in the house.  (I still believe its because she didn't own red nail polish...but you just don't argue with a grieving man!)  So I sat in a dark hospital room and painted her nails while she continued her slow death.  She took her last breath 5 days later.  Longest 5 days of my life.

I still can't believe it's been two years since I have seen her beautiful face or heard her beautiful voice.  There are so many things I want to talk to her about and seek her advice on, I'm starting to believe the empty place she left in my heart is here to stay for good.  And yet I find peace in knowing she is in His glory.  One of the oddest epiphanies my grandfather and I had this past year was the moment we realized given the chance, she actually wouldn't choose to return home to us.  She is with Jesus and there's no other place in the world she would choose to be.  I remember having several conversations about her meeting Jesus throughout the last year of her life.  And she was ready.  She was so excited about meeting Him and finally reaching Heaven.  She was overcome with a peace regarding her Lord.  A peace I only hope I reach prior to my last breath on earth.  Knowing she is  spending eternity with her Lord and Savior allows me to go on without her here.  It took grandpa and me a little while to realize it but by wishing her here with us, we were holding her back from Jesus.  And there's no place she'd rather be.

And as I miss her a bit more this week and am a bit weepy at times, I try to hold onto the fact she is covered in His glory.  And she is beautiful and healthy and smiling...with pink fingernails.

John 11: 40
Jesus said to her, "Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?"

Peace, glory and pink fingernails,

Ashley Lucille