To Drown or To Lean
One life’s lessons I continue to struggle with is learning I really cannot do everything on my own. And as I continue in my stubborn ways, I think God has been pouring more and more down on me to help me come to this realization. I often wonder if He is looking down on me saying, “Come on Ashley…when you gonna give in to me. Not yet? Okay, here you go.” And BAM…my grandpa gets scheduled for open heart surgery the same day my dad undergoes a total knee replacement…in the same city, at two different hospitals, just a few days after I missed work after being ill, just a few days before I had to fly to Boston for school and oh just a few days before my 38-page DNP protocol was due. (And this is really just one example!) There was a day last week when I was overwhelmed to the point of tears (a rarity in my life!) until I just let go and leaned on those around me. I really, really do not leaning. I like standing tall. On my own.
I have had to rely on so very many people over the last year of my life and it is just an uncomfortable place for me. Although I have learned to let go of my plan and embrace God’s plan….I still want to do “His” plan on my own. I don’t want to need other people. Well, clearly I am going to have to get over this.
Time and time again I find myself in situations where I feel as though I am drowning and I am basically forced to reach out for help. I really hate this. In the past two weeks alone, I have had to reach out and rely on other people to let me borrow a couch to sleep on, watch my brown baby (my dog), cover for me at work…the list could go on and on. I think of all the moments I was relatively helpless over the last couple years and how every single time, God popped someone perfectly in my life to lean on. And although I absolutely hate leaning on others, I need to learn God puts people in our lives because we really can’t do it on our own:
There are countless other examples in my life when I needed a crutch (or really needed a stretcher!) and God provided. He always provides. We just need to learn to accept His plan and more importantly His support.
Because we really can’t do it on our own…and the great thing is we don’t have to.
So don't worry about these things, saying "What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?" These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
A friend, a couch and a whole lot of leaning,
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Just a few reflections about everything God is teaching me in this life...a journey deeper into His purpose for my life.