I'm So Angry I Could....
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about feeling guilt over getting frustrated with other people…actually this is a lie. I wasn’t having a conversation, I was texting. There’s a big difference. Anyway…I reminded my friend God understands our frustration because God deals with the same people we deal with day in and day out. He gets it. I mean He really gets it! And His understanding of our feelings goes way beyond a little frustration.
In life, I sometimes forget God really understands us. He understands our frustration, anger, loneliness, heartbreak, sorrow, joy…He shares emotion with us. Our feelings are no surprise to Him. And yet, we often hold back our feelings/emotions/true thoughts from Him. Which quite frankly, is ridiculous because He already knows and understands our feelings. And He is the only one that can truly deal with it.
Several years ago, I was really really angry and heartbroken over something that went incredibly wrong with one of my patients. It wasn’t a medical error but rather just really bad circumstance. This adorable little girl underwent a horrific event and was never the same. And yet I was the angry one. I was so angry at God. I couldn’t understand why He would let something horrible happen to this little girl. But I learned a really valuable lesson through her horrible experience…Give it to God. I had never questioned His decisions in life until this particular instance and I’ll be honest, I let God have a piece of my mind over it. I remember crying (and I mean balling my eyes out) for days over it. And crying out to God in prayer asking ‘why’ and ‘how could you do this?’.
But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander and dirty language.
I didn’t try to sugar coat it. I didn’t try to accept it during that moment. I let my true emotion pour out of my soul to God. I gave Him my tears, my anger, my heartbreak. And you know what…as I poured my heart out to Him he took the anger and replaced it with peace.
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.
This didn’t happen instantly but rather gradually over time. Instead of sulking over my anger, I was open and honest with God over it. I look back over that period of my life and there are moments when I can’t believe what I actually thought and felt toward God AND the fact I openly admitted it to Him. But it was how I healed. Or rather how God healed me. And whether I openly admitted it to Him or not, He knew. He knows our feelings. God understands us. He understands our anger. He understands everything. It’s really okay to give your anger to God and let Him deal with it.
I am confident the fact I have learned to give my anger, pain, heartbreak, loneliness, and the many other emotions that seep out of the scars on my heart, to Him is the only reason I feel nothing but joy in my life. And I am so thankful He is able to handle all of my raw emotion because it has freed me from pain and suffering that would have otherwise held me captive and ruined my soul.
The pastor at church said something so profound today....God becomes more real, when we become more honest. How incredibly true is that statement?!? We have to be honest with God...so He can be real to us.
So the next time you are really angry or frustrated or heartbroken…give it to God. And give it to him for real. He can handle it and He will handle it. And then wait for the peace to overwhelm your soul. It might not come immediately....heck, you might have to wait years for it. But it will come.
Real feelings, real emotions and a real God,
Leave a Reply.
Just a few reflections about everything God is teaching me in this life...a journey deeper into His purpose for my life.