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Hope

1/10/2014

8 Comments

 
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A few weeks ago a friend sent me this bible verse:
Romans 5:3-5
3 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

I’ve read this verse many times throughout my life but recently it has taken on a new meaning.  It is no secret the last 18 months of my life have been tough; I’ve been through a divorce, moved twice-essentially starting from scratch, took on a new role at work, continued my intense graduate school program while simultaneously continuing a research fellowship in Boston, and lost my dear grandmother.  As I think about Romans 5:3-5, I realize these sufferings are catalysts that produce perseverance, character and hope for my future.

Hope is not something I naturally embrace.  I embrace planning.  In fact, I am known for not only having a plan but also at least one back-up plan.  I like things to be planned out in a fashion where I have control of the outcome.  I tie my “hopes” into my planning.  If I do not have direct control over the plan, I really don’t “hope” for it because the risk for potential disappointment.

Several weeks ago someone asked me what I planned to do after I finished school and in fact, I get asked this fairly often since I have been in a four-year doctorate program since 2011.  My response is usually something to the tune of, “travel, take time for myself, relax, and advance my career”.  This ‘plan’ works for me because it is in my control—I control if I travel, take time for myself, relax, and/or advance my career.  And although all of these plans sound great, they really aren’t what I want to do after I graduate. 

Although I will always be focused on my career because it is truly something I love, what I really want is to settle down and build a family of my own.  I say ‘build’ because I’ve learned relationships, marriage and family are much like building.  They take hard work, maintenance and then more maintenance.  I want to serve a loving husband that adores me and more importantly, I want to be worthy of that adoration.  I want to be an engaged, loving mom.  I want the opportunity to demonstrate love toward my husband and children that is biblical-based. 

So if these are the true desires of my heart, why are they never part of my response to the question, “What do you want to do after school?”  Because these desires are 100% out of my control.   These desires are dependent upon God’s plan.  My path has to cross the right man to be my husband…that’s a God thing.  I have to actually be able to have children (and so many of my friends have struggled with this)…that’s a God thing.  My husband and I have to be committed to all the maintenance that comes along with building a family…that’s definitely a God thing.   All of these ‘hopes’ are 100% in God’s control.

Regardless of the risk of disappointment, I have prayed for God to align my desires to His desires.  In doing so, I have become much more comfortable being honest with God and myself (and now the world via blog…yikes!) about the hopes I have for my future.  Hopes that are 100% left to God’s plan.  I’m willing to sacrifice my plan (and my backup plan), share my hopes with Him and live out His plan.  And although His plan doesn’t need a back-up plan, it does require faith.

Hebrews 11:1
What is faith?  It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen.  It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see. 

And Hebrews 6:19 reminds us...
"This confidence is like a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.  It leads us through the curtain of heaven into God's inner sanctuary."
  (For the background to this confidence and hope, start at Hebrews 6, verse 13)

Oh me of little faith.  I have persevered through struggles, pain, loss, etc. and as I reflect back on the last 18 months, I see God working on my perseverance to make me a stronger person, conditioning my character to hopefully one day, allow me to be a wife to the man He has planned for me and instilling comfort to actually hope for the desires of my heart. 

So the next time I am asked, “what do you want to do after school?” I will respond with my hopes in Him, the desires of my heart, instead of my seemingly 'safe' plan that I fool myself into thinking I actually exhibit control over!

Perseverance, character and hope,
Ashley Lucille

8 Comments
Jeff Jacobs
1/10/2014 10:05:28 am

You are AWESOME! You deserve ALL!

Reply
Ashley Lucille
1/22/2014 10:39:59 am

Thanks!

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Elizabeth Walters
1/10/2014 09:25:35 pm

I will hope and pray for all of these things for you. Amazing, Ashley and so bold for putting your true heart out there!

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Ashley Lucille
1/22/2014 10:39:38 am

Thanks for the encouragement! The goal is for the blog to encourage others too.

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Michelle Candelario
1/12/2014 12:00:33 pm

I am so proud of you. You are stepping into His plan. Watching your transformation has and will be amazing. Im so thankful that we are in eachothers lives and hearts.

Reply
Ashley Lucille
1/22/2014 10:38:33 am

Thanks for the constant encouragement...it's going to be an interesting journey.

Reply
June Morgan
1/13/2014 10:44:40 am

So sitting in church yesterday, I found myself finding similarities between the message and this post which I read the day before. The message came from 2 Peter 1:5-9. While breaking down each quality, perserverance really stuck out. Twice in two days, was God showing me that perseverance is key to building a godly character.

James 1:4 "Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

So, first I wanted to thank you for sharing, because it ministered to me in my walk.

I also wanted to encourage you in your hopes for the future. Having gone through a situation that, after reading some of your post, is extremely similar, I relate completely to the lack of control you feel. But the bittersweet lesson I learned is that my 'control' was what was hindering God's perfect plan for me. By letting go, or more like being forced to let go of my idea of how my life would go, I made room for God to take over. God has not just good plans, but the best plans for you. Jeremiah 29:11! I am encouraged by your post and hope and pray that you continue on perservering!

Reply
Ashley Lucille
1/22/2014 10:37:59 am

June...thanks for sharing such encouraging words! I actually just blogged about Jeremiah 29:11 last night. I have also learned 'feeling in control' is truly a falsehood...we are never really in control. We trick ourselves into that illusion.

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    Ashley Lucille

    Just a few reflections about everything God is teaching me in this life...a journey deeper into His purpose for my life.

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